Crafts

Once I get the right kind of glue - the fabric kind (go figure), I will be making these to make headbands for Hannah and maybe a matching one for Sarah. I kid, I kid. That's what dress patterns are for. Matching mother daughter outfits!!

I miss being creative. I have looked into art classes here in Torrance and I've found one... I'll call in for that free Introduction class soon.

I was going to take SCUBA lessons with some of my coworkers, but for now I've decided I'd rather not spend a whopping $400 on myself. But soon enough I will take those lessons so I will be able to have a little piece of paper that says I can scuba dive anywhere I want in the world. I will then say, "hello, remaining 70% of the world I haven't had access to."

Proaction, here I come!

In a Rut

We had a Halloween/Costume/Pumpkin Carving party at the LiNK house the other night. Everyone came over in their costumes that we had all worn to work that day and just relaxed with snacks and drink. Man, it was the first time in a long time that I unwound.

We split up into departments for the pumpkin carvings. We were over by the hammock and my boss/friend (it's all blurred these days) laid down in the hammock. He asked if I hung out here all the time. And I said, "No." He asked why and I didn't have an answer. All I could say was, "I'm in some sort of rut."

And I am.

I go to work. I come home, eat dinner, and don't really do anything very productive. How do I cure this? Proactivity, I believe. Taking risks and putting myself out there. It's one of the most fear provoking things for me -to go into an uncontrolled social situation and not know a soul.

But I guess that's what beer is for. And friends. I think I have 2 solid friends here that will do things with me and invite me to do things with them.

I'm starting to feel more at home here. California has started its season of fall, whatever that is. It doesn't get above 75 or 80 on most days and now that I'm acclimated to the weather, I find it chilly. There aren't enough orange and red leaves, but when I do find them, it's exciting.

Emails

Ohhh, emails. It's amazing how such a small click of a button, a letter sent my way via the complexity that is the internet, can make my heart pound so much or lift my spirits in such a way.

I wish I could just respond to an email with, "Well, if that's the way you feel, then so be it. Best of luck with your life. Please know, that your disinterest and disgruntled attitude will inadvertantly affect the freedom of North Korean refugees living in China."

Maybe that's drastic. Maybe a little irrational, but it's all honest. It's the way I feel. Because every little bit counts. Every 2 person screening, every 200 person screening will transform and change the lives of North Koreans living in hiding half way around the world.

And all of this is caused by a sorry excuse for communication. Sigh.

I painted!

I wanted to create a small sanctuary in my life, so I painted my room, much to my landlord's horror. Oops!

It's called "Liberty Gray" and it's lovely. Paired with a crisp white duvet, greenish floral sheets, a soon to be white dresser, and an old leather chair I found on the side of the road, I'm excited to call this home.

This is the color:

Similar to the print of my sheets:

My duvet:

That's all.

Demands and Respect

I think I've had my first taste of what being a mom is about. It's truly just a small taste. Just the tip of my pinky. But here it is: Lots and lots of being asked and lots and lots of wanting the best and most perfect outcome, but having to shed grace. Lots and lots of grace.

This job is so freaking interesting. I hate that I am that girl who always writes about her job, but let's get real honest for a second on a side tangent.

I don't have much else going on.

I basically eat, sleep, and breath work. When I'm not physically in the office, I'm either on the phone with nomads or on my email working to book screenings or at some event on behalf of LiNK or at the house that I live, which is LiNK housing.

Riding my bike, is the only true escape I have. No access to internet, no LiNK coworker by my side. So, the reality is very real. Work is my life.

So, back to the lesson that I have been learning. Demands and respect. Not an ounce in my body wants to fulfill demands placed upon me when there is little respect being garnered. I can only imagine this is what my mother must have felt on those days when I was being the brat I was great at being. Why should she fix me dinner? Why should she scratch my back? Why should she help me find my missing sock?

If it was any one else. A stranger off the street, a next door neighbor, another Girl Scout's mom. She would have no reason to do things for someone who blatantly gave her no respect.

Nada.

But it was me. Her kid, her daughter, so of course she did those things for me. She blessed me with grace, forgave me for my horrible mistakes, and scratched my back when I was scared to sleep in the dark.

Unconditional love. I need to learn this stuff.