A little linkage to pass along to you my friends. I got it off another girl's livejournal. She doesn't know I read her livejournal. I don't even know her. Call me creepy. But just watch my knowledge grow.
article
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Identity
My quest has begun. My quest is to find me. I don't know how I am going to do it, but the first step was to say that I don't know who I am. I know who I was raised to be, I know who my friends say I am, I know who I am in the presence of others, but I don't know me.
Ask me what my favorite color is. I don't know.
Ask me what kind of music I like. I don't know.
Ask me if I believe in God. I don't know.
Ask me why I want to be a social worker. I don't know.
I don't have any answers. I'm a sponge and have absorbed everything around me. Now it's time to squeeze out the excess and retain what is me.
Ask me what my favorite color is. I don't know.
Ask me what kind of music I like. I don't know.
Ask me if I believe in God. I don't know.
Ask me why I want to be a social worker. I don't know.
I don't have any answers. I'm a sponge and have absorbed everything around me. Now it's time to squeeze out the excess and retain what is me.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
I need someone to talk to. Someone I don't really know, someone who isn't emotional, someone who isn't a relative. Someone who can provide guidance and answers. Someone who can understand and doesn't have their own issues to sort through.
Every time communion is offered at church, it feels like a test. Do I believe enough to take it? Do I believe to little to take it? If I take it and I don't believe enough, I don't want my heart to be closed off. So I haven't been taking it. I don't know if I believe. But it's so ingrained in me I wonder if it is even possible for me to not believe.
And what am I even believing in? What if I don't believe in sin, then I don't need grace and I wouldn't need Jesus. It seems to me that sin is this religious construct to convince people that they need salvation.
Then there is the fact that because I was raised in a Christian home I have certain values and morals that fit in the Christian community. They are accepted and the opposite of what I hold is what is strange and scoffed at. But when I enter the secular community, my ideals are treated strangely. I feel conflicted and detached.
I don't know how to make up my own mind. I don't know how to think for myself. I feel like I'm letting people down by not being a strong Godly woman. I just can't be. I don't see a reason.
Every time communion is offered at church, it feels like a test. Do I believe enough to take it? Do I believe to little to take it? If I take it and I don't believe enough, I don't want my heart to be closed off. So I haven't been taking it. I don't know if I believe. But it's so ingrained in me I wonder if it is even possible for me to not believe.
And what am I even believing in? What if I don't believe in sin, then I don't need grace and I wouldn't need Jesus. It seems to me that sin is this religious construct to convince people that they need salvation.
Then there is the fact that because I was raised in a Christian home I have certain values and morals that fit in the Christian community. They are accepted and the opposite of what I hold is what is strange and scoffed at. But when I enter the secular community, my ideals are treated strangely. I feel conflicted and detached.
I don't know how to make up my own mind. I don't know how to think for myself. I feel like I'm letting people down by not being a strong Godly woman. I just can't be. I don't see a reason.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)