I have friends here. I have beautiful people in my life, but no one to ask how my day was. No one to listen to me complain about friendships. No one to listen to me venting.
That's the one single problem with my friends all being friends with each other - gossiping/venting can create painful effects. I have been incredibly convicted lately to stop gossiping. It's so hard not to. I literally cannot make myself stop. So let me gossip about my own life's embarrassments.
I was talking to my brother and new sister last night about dating. Will awkwardly asked if I had any other relationships in my life, after asking about work and friends, obviously referring to the boy kind. I laughed and said, not really. I don't know how to date. Then his beautiful wife gave me the guidance I had been lacking for 23 years. (Y'all, this is pretty embarrassing) She said the key is flirting. Eye contact and touching.
Who knew?! So simple!
She then asked me if I thought of myself as being sexy. I laughed uncomfortably. That has never been a word to describe myself. And she said, no not like sexual, but just your own kind of sexy. I still said no. But now that I think about it, yes I am sexy. I like sociology and I think learning is incredibly sexy. I think working for a cause you believe in is sexy. I think wavy brown hair is sexy. I think letting the apple of my eye be my niece is super sexy.
So, yes, I am sexy. She said, Leah, you need to have confidence in who you are. You need to find yourself sexy and then others will too.
Sigh, I like me. But I'm not confident others will. Other boys.
Watch out, men. I will be locking eyes with you and touching you. A lot. Gotta make up for a lot of lost time.