Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Maya Angelou on NPR's The Diane Rehm Show had some simplistic, yet bold, words to say about making a change on the world. About the delicate dance between ambition, anger, and hope.

"Love and fear don't go very well together. Fear tends to take over. Love, if you give it a chance, it will become dominant. That's one thing I know. Being passive is not a condition I know. There's nothing in the universe that is passive. Everything is moving. I think it is a good thing to be angry. I don't think it is a good thing to hold anger in. Because the minute you hold anger in, it becomes bitterness and bitterness is like cancer, it eats on the host. It can eat the host to death and do nothing to the object that made it angry. You understand?

...But I think the wise thing to do is to admit whatever has happened, has happened. Put that down. Now begin the business of seeing what you can do to rectify life and the ways of living."

In light of the terror happening in the Middle East, these ideas are ever more true.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Reflection on the Holidays

The holidays have begun. First, with the commemorative drive down Ridgeway looking at the magical galore of light balls. Twice I've done it, once with an old friend and once with a new friend, named Mouse. Second, with the blessing of getting remixed Christmas songs by Jessica Simpson stuck on repeat in my head. Not to mention the brisk walks from shop doors to car doors. Don't they make you feel a little more alive?

It's all felt very social and familial, rather than religious or spiritual. And it's been nice. Spending a weekend with my big brother, dancing with people I know and don't know, eating breakfast with a dear friend, drinking warm wine and knitting with my roommate, shedding tears over a friend leaving. It's been emotional, but I know it is holiday season even without the Christian emphasis that has been so thick in years past because even though I'm inside my house, my hands are freezing and my heart is warm. I'm excited about spending an entire week with my family, completing puzzles, teaming up with Matt to win at Cranium, and laughing hard, really hard. This is anticipation I haven't felt in a while. It's where that faith in the goodness of humanity is vibrant and resounding because these relationships are beautiful and lasting, no matter what.

I told Will that I was nervous about communion being offered at the Christmas Eve service. That I never know how I will feel, which answer I will bubble in on the test. And that since I'm with the family its more complicated. Will said, do what you have to do. If it makes you feel less uncomfortable, I won't take it either. I said, thank you. He understands.

Let me leave you with this song that WUAG has been playing the heck out of recently.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Just when I was becoming paralyzed by fear of graduation, I am becoming ready and excited. I have plans for my life.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Bummed Out

Man. I don't know what has come over me. Humanity bums me out, and my lack of ability to have an effect bums me out. It's been building over time, but this particular event triggered it last night. At the basketball game there were these UNCG guys behind me who were ragging on this player from the opposing team. They were making fun of the way he looked - calling out things like "you've got down-syndrome" and "get your teeth fixed." Total disregard. Total ignorance. Total assholes. I was so angry. It wasn't just two guys either it was a whole lot of them - 20 guys probably chanting this stuff. No one said anything in opposition. What makes me even angrier is that I didn't have the guts to turn around and say something. If I can't stand up to some twenty-something year old douchebags that haven't grown up, how in the world am I going to be able to stand up against global forces like poverty, corruption, violation of human rights.

I am so frustrated with the superficiality of humanity. I see girls being obnoxious and throwing themselves, literally, over tables to be the center of attention. I see guys trying to be masculine and aware, talking about stuff that is completely unnecessary and without depth. Is integrity out there? Is sincerity out there? (Broken record much?)

I need to talk to my brother. He'll know what to say.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Today during class we each had to give a 3 minute presentation on our research papers. One girl had the word Buddhism in her presentation. She pronounced it "Bootyism." My friends and I lost it.