For an assignment I had to listen to Jeffrey Sachs give a talk on the future of globalization. Listening to him list out how the world is in jeopardy of becoming over populated, of depleting energy sources, and of the rich getting richer and poor getting poorer, makes my skin itch. (And no it's not because I am participating in No Shave November.) I want to get out. I want to go. I want to be a part of something big, something revolutionary, something moving. It's not just a desire to be a part of something, it's a desire to affect, to change, to impact the future, to make this world a better place for the next generation. For the millions of children who will be born into war-torn areas, into severe poverty.
I feel stuck. Have I said this before? I can't imagine myself doing anything post-graduation. Or rather I can imagine myself doing so many things, but I feel so small and trapped in this secure, American, middle class lifestyle. I don't want to miss out on life here, on my best friend getting married, on siblings continuing their lives with possibilities of marriage and children and new furniture. It's exciting times and I'm a wuss. A wuss with ambition.
Today during class I was thinking about how I can't predict the future. I was sitting there looking at my black socks with my brown moccasins and knew that I have no idea what I will be doing next Monday. No clue. That's annoying.
leah, i totally felt the same way that you did last year at this time. but, i know that you are going to do something amazing. your ambition outweighs your wuss. :) i can't wait to see what you do!!! but, don't rush through this time... soak it up b/c your life will never be like this again.
ReplyDeletewell, for starters, you COULD be in atlanta next monday... ;)
ReplyDeleteand: i hear ya! i feel the wuss-thoughts, too. but we don't have these passions for nothing. they'll find their way to integrate into life. and there will always be sacrifice, i think.
either i sacrifice being present at major friend and family events, or i sacrifice a large portion of my ambition, personal drive, and dreams. i think learning how to mesh it all together won't come easy, if it comes at all.