EDIT

After writing my previous post I called my dad and talked theory with him. Let me preface this with the fact that my dad is a brilliant man. An intellectual. A man. Put it together. So the bulk of our discussion was my frustration with letting the theory of dramaturgy and symbolic interactionism explain my life and my relationships. Because if the theory was true then I was feeling my world fall apart. However, theories by definition are objective. They are a bird's eye view even though they are micro level. They are an explanation, not a design. I was taking something that was objective and applying it to me. Me. I am subjective. Using words like sincere and genuine are subjective terms. The theory never said that the roles are played without integrity and that we can't improvise.

Interesting.

These girls sitting beside me better shut up. I will role play mortal combat all up on them if they don't quiet down.

Drowning in Papers

What a scary way to die. Not being able to breath because you're stuck at the bottom, surrounded by a giant pool of papers. Paper cuts are the worst.

So, I'm sitting here in the SuperLab writing about Symbolic Interactionism. Basically this theory says that no interaction is genuine. We are all actors, speaking scripts, reacting to props, and acting as we want the audience (the other people in the situation) to interpret it. That when we talk to each other, it isn't sincere or caring, but we say what we think we need to say in order to give off a certain impression. Erving Goffman says that sometimes this is conscious, but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes we are so accustomed to the tradition of certain roles, that our actions and our speech come easily and unconsciously.

Isn't this a downer? I am slowly losing my faith in humanity. A few months back, I defended the goodness of people to a friend. She said that this reality is too harsh, that people suck and that's why she believed in God. She needed an alternate escape. A pure goodness, one that wasn't fair-weathered. But I don't know, she might be right. If nothing is true, if interactions aren't sincere and are mere responses as warranted, then maybe reality is harsh.

My new question for myself, is how do I mend this?

Pump it UP

For an assignment I had to listen to Jeffrey Sachs give a talk on the future of globalization. Listening to him list out how the world is in jeopardy of becoming over populated, of depleting energy sources, and of the rich getting richer and poor getting poorer, makes my skin itch. (And no it's not because I am participating in No Shave November.) I want to get out. I want to go. I want to be a part of something big, something revolutionary, something moving. It's not just a desire to be a part of something, it's a desire to affect, to change, to impact the future, to make this world a better place for the next generation. For the millions of children who will be born into war-torn areas, into severe poverty.

I feel stuck. Have I said this before? I can't imagine myself doing anything post-graduation. Or rather I can imagine myself doing so many things, but I feel so small and trapped in this secure, American, middle class lifestyle. I don't want to miss out on life here, on my best friend getting married, on siblings continuing their lives with possibilities of marriage and children and new furniture. It's exciting times and I'm a wuss. A wuss with ambition.

Today during class I was thinking about how I can't predict the future. I was sitting there looking at my black socks with my brown moccasins and knew that I have no idea what I will be doing next Monday. No clue. That's annoying.

La Rage

first, watch and read the subtitles.
then, watch again but focus on the images.

Moving Forward. New Ideas. New Solutions.

I just finished reading an article in The New York Times about Barack Obama's preparation for becoming president in January. I'm excited. You know how sometimes you can feel your heart smiling? Obama made a lot of promises and his agenda for change is extensive, perhaps unrealistic. But without idealism, without standards for the quality of life, without expectations, then what is the point of changing - if there is no ultimate, ideal way of life. I can't wait for all children to have healthcare. I'm excited to see how our government pressures rebel groups in Africa to stop fighting. I hope Obama will remember the Americorps and the Peace Corps like he said. I'm nervous and pumped to see what the new administration can accomplish, what the new Senate and House of Representatives will declare as important.

My politically conscious, Canadian friend congratulated America for making a good decision.

Jaded

I'm ready to move far, far away from this land.