facing truth

I met the world again last night and it screamed in my face. It made me think and question and wonder about truth. My most common response was "I don't know." I don't know what is truth. I get tired of caring about people, I get tired of being inclusive, I get tired of loving, I get tired of wondering if there is anyway I could ever make a decision about my faith 'for myself.' I'll always be connected to what my parents taught me and I'll always be questioned about it.

The world felt so disrespectful last night. I don't have blatant disregard for others' beliefs, so why must it be there for mine?

I don't know who I am. Put me back in Greensboro and I could tell you. Not here. My lack of experience in relationships is laughable, my concern for others is strange, my reservations are unheard of. I've never felt more naive and young in my life. As alien as I feel, I'm not willing to change. But why? Why am I the way I am? Why did I make a commitment to not have sex until I was married? My thinking is so foggy and there is no understanding here.

I have plenty of friends who don't believe in God. Our relationship, though, is of respect. I respect their right to believe or not believe in whatever. They respect my right to do the same. There is no pressure on either side to defend what we have chosen. So why am I met with this here?

I'll try not to let these thoughts occupy my mind to the point where I can't have any fun. One thing I do know for sure is that I enjoy caring and loving, so if I continue that theme in my life, then perhaps I will be alright.