Limbo

It's an odd feeling which has clouded over me the last few weeks, becoming more dense with each passing day. Friend by friend, I have been left here in Greensboro feeling very alone and somewhat empty. It's still so strange to be the one left behind, when my whole life I have been the one leaving. Perhaps this drabness, this lack of community is just pushing me onto my next adventure. Right, so, my next adventure. It's less than two weeks away and the nerves are setting in. What with my new found introverted-ness and my fear of failure, especially at relationships, I'm feeling anxious about beginning this job. I'm feeling ready about the prospects of being indirectly part of a social movement which can possibly bring peace and prosperity to a region of the world which hasn't know peace for 20 plus years.

Buuuut. Here's the math. Present=drab. Future=Excitement. Drab-->Excitement=Limbo.

And in the midst of it all I am leaving Greensboro: my beautiful little apartment, my coffee shops and thrift stores, and the best cheeseburger I've ever had. Granted, Greensboro isn't what it once was for me, it's lost its familiarity and comfort in some senses, but it still has been the base for much of my growth and struggles in the last 4 years. I'm not the same girl whose parents unloaded her things into her dorm room 4 years ago, although I still look a lot like her*. It's hard to move on, to not know if I'll ever return here, to close one chapter, but not know what will be included in the next.

Feelings, shmeelings. The advice I so desperately want to give other people when I hear them whine sometimes, I need to give myself. Suck it up and get over it. This is a thing we call life.

*Side story: On my way home from VA Monday, I stopped to get gas and as I was paying, the attendant asked if I was ready for school to start. I said, "Well, actually I've graduated!" He said, "Oh, I though you were in the 11th grade or something like that." I flashed a big grin and said, "Oh, haha. No, I've actually just graduated from college." He seemed kind of shocked and said something about how he had thought I was 18. I told him I was 22 and as I was walking out he said something about how it's a good thing to look so young. I think I'll agree when I'm 40.