Zooey or Dennis?

I'm back on the good ol' East Coast, snuggled in my bed (or the bed that is in the room that used to be mine), trying to avoid the responsibilities that are present before me: finding a job and figuring out a plan for my future.

But first let me back track a few weeks. Being a roadie: my experience is finished and I am now moving forward into the light or darkness or whatever is ahead. It was a beautiful and rich time, though challenging as hell. 2 and 1/2 months on the road, dozens of home cooked meals, 1 teammate left, 3 weeks in Canada (without the teammate who had booked this part of tour) without cell phone or internet, 1 new teammate joined us, 1 traffic accident, 1 "hit and run," 1 hospital visit, 1 almost-got-robbed-by-a-gang incident, hundreds of beautiful and outwardly centered individuals, 1 naked bass player, 1 ethiopian meal at 1:30am, 1 mom who made the 3 of us 9 sandwiches for lunch the next day, several extremely awkward contacts, and thousands of memories that I can't even begin to explain.

It was beautiful. Hard, but beautiful. And now I am prepared to begin whatever is next. But what is next is the question? So, I thought I'd just blog it out. Blog it ooouuuttt.

I've always thought it was necessary to have a job with meaning - of working with purpose and responsibility. That's a main reason I did Invisible Children - to fulfill my responsibility of a being a global citizen and I don't think that responsibility will ever wither.

Here's the bump in the road: I want to travel, like really, really travel. Like backpack across Europe on a sojourn for a few months. My roadie friend, Sean, has invited me (literally invited me on Gmail calender) to join him on a trip to Europe. You have to have money to do this, and I don't have much right now - health insurance is such a drain. So here's the predicament:

I need a job, but I also want to quit said job around summer time to galavant across the Atlantic. Thus I don't want a job with meaning because with meaning comes commitment and I want to be able to leave the job at a moment's notice. Working at a job without meaning means not living in the moment, which is annoying. I was watching Angelina Jolie get interviewed one time and she was asked, "If you found out you only had a week left to live how would you live it?" She replied, "Well, I already live in the moment, as if I had limited time left, so I don't think I would change anything." And then she riddled off being able to adopt children, going to Africa with the UN, go skydiving, blah blah blah. Then I realized you have to have money in order to live in the moment - on that caliber at least.

So here's where I'm at.

a) Dennis: I would love to work on an organic farm (WWOOF) for some time. Live and work in community - it's my thing. It stirs my bones. And there is just something natural about working with the Earth. But it doesn't pay, but, man, it would be amazing. (This is the Dennis reference - Dennis Quaid has always been the epitome of a farmer in my mind)

b) Zooey: I could prepare for living in the moment. Haha. I can live at home, get a job (say as a receptionist somewhere), and save up for my 2010 adventure. I could wear cute blouses and high wasted skirts like Zooey in 500 Days of Summer. Right?

So, it's just a matter of deciding what I want to do - what's more important. I've never been good at making decisions...