Distraction

Do you ever just feel completely distracted, distant, or burdened? Then, boy, do I have a solution for you!!! ...

Just kidding. I thought that might be witty and annoying enough for everyone to endure. Can't you imagine the Oxy Clean guy yelling that to the TV?  And then he pulls out a bucket of chicken grease or something and tries to sell it off.  I'd probably buy some.  That guy is very persuasive.

But seriously.  

I am very preoccupied right now.  I'm ready for my schooling to be finished, not only for this semester but for the summer too.  I'm feeling very trapped within this academic process because of the commitments I have made to do well in school and graduate with a certain GPA.  I can't slack off now, but there seem to be more important, more serious issues at hand in this world than whether I go to class or turn in projects on time.  It's basically two character traits at war with each other.  We've got "desire to impact the world and create social change" over here in this corner and "wants to excel at school and fulfill her professors' expectations" in the other corner.  Are you ready to rumble?  I know who's going to win and it breaks my heart.  My mind isn't here, it's in Chicago with the others who are still camped out, protesting the war in Uganda and abduction of child soldiers.  I have to be here though.  Education is a key facet in social change and I need to learn in order to do.  I know this, but dammit, I don't like it.  Not one bit.

Neko Case, Middle Cyclone, Middle Cyclone

Baby, why'm I worried now, 
did someone make a fool of me 
'fore I could show 'em how it's done? 
Can't give up actin' tough, 
it's all that I'm made of. 
Can't scrape together quite enough 
to ride the bus to the outskirts 
of the fact that I need love. 

There were times that I tried, 
one for every glass of water 
that I spilled next to the bed, 
wretching pennies in a boiling well 
in a dream that it once becomes 
a foundry of mute and heavy bells. 
They shake me deaf and dumb 
say, "Someone made a fool of me 
'fore I could show 'em how it's done." 

It was so clear to me 
that it was almost invisible. 
I lie across the path waiting, 
just for a chance to be a spiderweb 
trapped in your lashes. 
For that, I would trade you my empire for ashes. 
But I choke it back, how much I need love...

Tick Tock

I retreat into very sad states sometimes.  Today, it progressively became worse as I started to watch "Everything is Illuminated." It's a beautifully cinematic film about a Jewish boy who travels to Ukraine to find the story of his grandfather.  It only references the horrors that the Jews endured during those years, but nevertheless it just broke my heart.  I still am unable to fathom the pure distaste one can have for a single group of people, based on their identity.  The pain, the destruction, the complete disregard for others.  

This idea of an "other."  It's always among us.  It literally causes me pain.  I think about the babies who are born into the minority group in some forgotten land, who have no choice about their ethnicity, their blood, their gender, their race, but yet are forced into horrific circumstances and are at the brunt of so much hostility and mutilation.  It's unfair.  It's completely disgusting the power we have over each other.

And it all comes down to identity.  Sure, similarities in genetics can group people together, but it is the weight we place on the symbolic nature of an identity which is the root of division.  It is what we create as a society which provides the differences.  We create the hate, but do we stop it?

I need to turn this anger into something good...