Walk Around the Block

Well, I have upheld my vow for one day. Hoorah! And it was the most perfect day to get outside and walk around my temporary neighborhood. Until I reach my next destination, I'm crashing with my friend in Long Beach and she lives in the best neighborhood - I wish I could have captured all of the sounds and smells of the day. Dishes being washed, kids playing, lunch being cooked, ducks quacking, couples talking, motors running. And I can't complain about the 70 degree weather either. Mmmhmm!

Here are some of my favorites from the day:

A Vow (Hopefully).

No, no, no. Not "The Vow" starring Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, which ohmygah grab me some gal pals and some/all candies everywhere and let's make a stereotypical "girls night," yeah?

I went to the Annenburg Space for Photography today near Beverly Hills and they had an exhibit called "Digital Darkroom," which was incredibly dope. It magnified modern photographers' use of digital modification to create surreal images that would likely be impossible otherwise. It was amazing. It had an emphasis on 3D images and holy cow, amaziiiiing!

So, this is my vow: To take more pictures. To go on walks everyday and take pictures with my not so glamorous point and shoot in order to capture the world around me so that I won't forget it. And I want to share them on here, not because they are going to be incredible works of art, but so that I can bring you into my daily life.

Here's a picture I took from the summer - it's of the river and valley just beneath our summer cabin in Virginia.

Does the North Star Serve Gelato?

I recently was given a book called "Finding Your Own North Star" by Martha Beck. It's all about evaluating how you make decisions in your life and figuring out the different voices (she refers to them as "selves" - essential vs. social) which help (knowingly and unknowingly) you to make those decisions, so that you can live the life you were made to live. It all falls in line with this theme in my life: wondering what makes me tick.

So there is this part in the book that I just read which is all about establishing what my self perception is and the fallacies within it. She shares this beautiful story about when she was in college, she and some friends would pitch in, rent a studio, hire a model, and draw. Most of the models matched the social ideal - slender, fit, perfectly proportioned. But one day, they got somebody really different...

"She looked well over sixty, with a deeply lined face and a body that was probably fifty pounds heavier than her doctors would have liked. She'd had a few doctors, too, judging from her scars. Shining purple welts from a cesarean section and knee surgery cut deep rifts in the rippled adipose fat of her lower body. Another scar ran across one side of her chest, where her left breast had once been. When she first limped onto the dais to pose, I felt so much pity and unease that I physically flinched. But we were there to draw her, so I picked up a pencil.

And so, as I began to draw this maimed old woman, the most amazing thing happened. Within five minutes she became a person of absolutely wondrous beauty. She didn't look like a supermodel; she didn't have to. Her body, in and of itself, was as beautiful as a piece of polished driftwood, or a wind-carved rock, or a waterfall.

When this perceptual shift happened, I was so surprised that I stopped drawing and simply stared. The model seemed to notice this, and without turning her head, looked straight into my eyes. Then I saw the ghost of a smile flicker across her face, and I realized something else: She knew she was beautiful. She knew it, and she knew that I'd seen it. Maybe that's why she had consented to pose nude in the first place. Knowing that a roomful of artists couldn't draw her without seeing her--I mean really seeing her--she may have decided to give us a gentle education about our perceptions."

Mmm, self perception. Makes you think, doesn't it? How to truly become in tune with what I've got and what I love about myself vs. what people/society deems lovable and acceptable.

moving forward. forward moving.

As of 6 days ago, I am officially unemployed. I mean, technically, I still have health insurance until the end of the year and one more pay check coming my way, but nevertheless! I am without a job.

I hung around LA's 75 degree weather for Christmas. Sure, I could have gone home (as my mom often reminds me, "You always have a place to come home to, Leah"), but it's important for me to figure out what to do next on my own. And nothing says independence quite like spending a major holiday 3,000 miles away from your family, right? Anyway, I have been vegging/figuring out what's next for the last few days. Doing a lot of this: (pondering, thinking, being near palm trees, etc)

And, it's been lovely. I've been alone, but haven't been lonely. I've eaten alone in crowded places and haven't minded. And I think tomorrow, I might go to a movie by myself. The introvert that I am is thriving. I've never had so much energy. I'm overjoyed and want to tell everyone about it! Buuuut not really because, duh, being that outgoing would make me nervous and anxious and tired...

This time of respite has been restful and peaceful and healing in many ways, as I've wrapped up a very intense and powerful chapter of my life thus far. A dream accomplished.

Time to move on, figure out other things that make me tick and bring me joy. I need adventure. I need isolation in a non-threatening sort of way. I need to get my hands dirty. I need to get back to nature and to a place where I can't plug in my straightener or hair dryer.

It's out there, I can feel it on my finger tips. I'm on the cusp of something challenging, but great. Mmhm, I'll let you know when I find it.

Sometimes knit happens.

I done went and got my knitting needles and knitted myself an ol' infinity scarf! It's fall time, y'all. Time to drink hot tea, watch movies, and knit on the weekends. I am well aware that I am wearing a tank top with a scarf. It's California, we do that sort of weird stuff here.

It's been a good weekend. I've worked on some headbands, I hung up some pictures I'd been meaning to hang, did some laundry, met with my therapist, watched some Parks and Rec, went grocery shopping, bought my niece some cute, thrifted threads. And to top off the weekend, I went for a bike ride this afternoon just before dusk.

It felt wonderful. It was just me and the power of my body pushing me forward with each movement. I become aware of my legs and their toil and strength. As the sun was setting, it felt like fall, even though I was sweating. The air was cool and the sky told me there may have been rainfall earlier.

As I biked through the neighborhoods, I looked towards the sky and saw a rainbow. It was amazing and enthralling.

I couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear. I had to tell someone. I passed a woman who had just parked her car and was walking across the street, talking on the phone. I pointed at the rainbow and told her to not to miss it. As I peddled away, I heard her exclaim to the person she was talking to on the phone.

As I kept biking, I periodically saw people come out of their houses and look up towards the sky. Some took pictures, but some just stood and stared.

Soon the rainbow was stretched and bowed across the entire sky. And soon after, it wasn't alone. Another one appeared above it.

It was awe-inspiring and calming.

Sabbatical Minded

A brief update of things worthy to note about my life:

1. I've started going to therapy. I've done only a couple of sessions, my third is tomorrow, and I'm still learning how to "do therapy." But I like it. It's weekly, it's helpful, and sometimes I refer to my therapist as a counselor because that sounds less like oh-my-gosh-Leah-is-manic-but-I-never-knew. It's nice to be heard.

2. I created an online dating profile. Yeah. It's true. How else am I gonna meet people out here? I've gone on one date and he was nice, but zero sparks and I haven't talked to him since. We had a really awkward hug/hand shake goodbye.

3. The Nomads are in town and I have thus begun my last tour here at LiNK. It's a bittersweet feeling and these 'mads are really awesome. Couldn't have asked for a better group. We are navigating together the weirdness of putting a group of strangers together, but it ain't fun without some bumps.

4. I don't know what I'm doing post-LiNK, and I'm okay with that. All suggestions are welcome.

5. I can't make myself clean up the pile of clothes on my bedroom floor. I know I need to, but I just can't find the will to do it.

6. I have had a sore throat for the past two days and hate that feeling more than most bad feelings.